As I have had the advantage of experiencing what it is like for people on both sides of the binary, I thought I would share with you a particular difference I have noticed in terms of people’s reaction to me from when they perceive me as female versus male (in the binary sense!).
I am typically perceived as a male when I am out and about, I present on the masculine side of the spectrum so it is to be expected. However, being FAAB (female assigned at birth), I naturally have gestures and movements that would be classified on the feminine side of the spectrum. So put those two together and what do we have, a gay guy. Yea, that was the long way of saying that I am typically perceived as a gay boy, especially when I am out at the gay bars. Now, previously, when I had the flesh mountains (you know, boobs), after a once-over people classified me as female. Therefore, I have had the pleasure of experiencing the gay bars as both a lesbian and a gay boy. And here is my observation, cis-men are much more aggressive than cis-women! Ok, I guess everyone already knows that stereotype but experiencing it first hand, the large difference still feels shocking. Here are a few of the moves guys have pulled on me recently:
1. Walking up, giving a smile, grabbing my crotch and just keep walking. I felt a bit sorry for him because he clearly didn’t find what he was looking for…
2. Cornering me while I was waiting for the bathroom line, lifting up my shirt to feel my stomach and then grabbing the back of my neck to pull me in for a kiss. Luckily, I wiggled my way out of it. (Hehe, sneaky lesbian)
3. Silently initiating a dancing turn grinding session only to then bite my neck. This is Denmark people, not Transylvania and let me remind you that you don’t even know my name!
Does this happen to women who present on the feminine side of the spectrum when they are at the hetero bars? If so, I feel for you! I mean, I just never imagined that people could be so aggressive. When I was perceived as a lesbian, girls wouldn’t even talk to me uninitiated, with the exception of the straight girl boob grab, so I guess I didn’t have my blockers up and ready for when I started receiving all this unwanted attention.